Way Back in the Palmy Days of Autumn, the Internet Sizzled with Rumors of Romance! Hillary Clinton & Her General Dogs-Body &
Go-To Girl, Huma Abedin, were an Item!!! Nobody Possessed the Courage to Speak About a Love that Dare not Acknowledge
the Desire that Runs Passionately Among the Sisters of Sappho! Not Until that Day of Blood-Red Sky, When the Drudge Report
& the Times ( of London ) Blazoned the News to One & All! Now that the Clinton Campaign is Lurching towards its Final Wreck,
More Peaceful Times Beckon. The Birds & Buds of Newborn Spring are in Sight! Picture if You Will --- Hume & Hill Gardening!
Huma, the Moonbeam McSwine of this Crazy Couple, attired in an Expensive White Céline Shirtdress, but daring to Use It as a
Smock, and Hillary, the Mammy Yokum of the pair, Togged Out in House Jacket & Bibb Overalls! Spring is Truly the Time to
Rekindle Old Passion, Once Cruelly Cooled by Mountainous Snows & in the Frigid Winds of Iowa. Love Conquers All
Disappointments & Sorrows, Ladies!!!
February 21, 2008 --- Plagiarism. Madonna G. Constantine is a Full Professor ( Full as in " Full of Herself " ) at Columbia University's Teachers College. In October of last year she plagiarized the Jena Six Hoax by hanging a noose on the doorknob of her office and then waddling up and down the campus, shouting RACISM at the ancient walls as well as the poor trees that were about to lose their leaves ( you would think that sight of Moby Dick's Sister in full cry would immediately induce a wholesale plight among Columbia's arborous population!? ). Madonna G. Constantine, known to all who care as a BIG, FAT, BLOODY NUISANCE, is at it again ( Click Here for the Ugly Details )! Now no sooner exposed as an academic plagiarist that her bellows of RACISM have recommenced as if she were hiding a recorded message in the ample tank of her belly! She is a full-tenured Professor and it appears that Columbia is too frightened to fire her. Watch Out, Shipmates! Thar She Blows!!!
November 24, 1963 : Lee Harvey Oswald & His Police Escort ( Jack Ruby with Pistol ).
But hiding in plain sight, amid the newly released treasure trove, there is a sizable stack of blank membership cards from Jack Ruby's Carousel ( Strip ) Club. Members of the Dallas District Attorney's Office and the Dallas Police Dept. would show up at the Club with a signed card from a local gangster and be quickly escorted into the back of the club where the $ amount, under the goon's signature, would be paid out. Ruby's Club --- for all intents and purposes, an annex of the Chicago Mafia in the Southwest --- was not merely a place where women took off their clothes, but also a place where Dallas public servants, from law enforcement, voluntarily stripped themselves of integrity for corrupt coin. If a big payment was to be made, Ruby would go to Dallas Police Headquarters and hand it over personally to the deserving cop or ADA. Ruby had pals in blue and pals in suits. The line between the Carousel Club and Police Headquarters was a direct one. On November 24, 1963 Jack Ruby entered the basement of Police Headquarters and fatally shot Lee Harvey Oswald in the stomach while he was being propped up between two Dallas Detectives who Ruby knew on a first name basis. On November 24, 1963 a small world got even smaller.
February 18, 2008 --- A President Day's Message : On this day in 1930 Clyde Tombaugh, at the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona, discovered Pluto. On September 11, 2001 George W. Bush discovered Uranus.
Dallas DA Henry Wade ( far left, clutching microphone ) Holds a Press Conference on November 25, 1963.
February 16, 2008 --- Debbie Clemens Has Left the Building! Stop those reminders! Stop those nasty e-mails! Debbie Clemens has taken a Cyber Powder! Her website, full of glorious junk on offer, has bit the dust, at least for time being --- let's hope not permanently! Not even a yellow rose remains behind, just a curt note telling one and all about an orphan url. At least Debbie knows when to keep her mouth shut. If only Roger could take a page from her book!
February 15, 2008 --- Man Shall Not Live by Bread Alone! Yesterday, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that the US " has a balance sheet that is starting to look more like a Third-World country. " It's not only the finances of the nation that are in trouble, Mr. Mayor. Have you been to the Port Authority Bus Terminal on 42nd Street lately? There are groups of Aliens there milling about, who look like they have just flown in from Mars, or seem to be standing around waiting for this year's Star Trek Convention to hit town.
February 14, 2008 --- The Yellow Rose of Debbie Clemens. At yesterday's Congressional Hearings on HGH & Steroids, Debbie Clemens nervously rolled the stem of a lemon-yellow rose between her palms. The flower itself peeped nervously over her fingers and twitched spasmodically as it were replaying its last death-throes at the time of its fatal cutting. Debbie's face was pushed back in anger, featuring a turned-down, varnished scowl. Was the rose the " Yellow Rose of Texas " as in the old Mitch Miller song, or was it something else, altogether, of a different stripe? Afterall, Debbie Clemens looked like she was dressed for a funeral. She had on a Hillary-esqe BLACK Pants Suit over a Chianti Black & White chemise --- the only color in a grim ensemble. Could that suffering rose have had a French rather than a Texas connotation? In France, lemon-yellow roses are most often seen at funerals, clustered around the bottom fringes of coffins. In France, roses, like the one Debbie had, are called by undertakers la douleur jaunâtre from the French phrase la douleur de perdre un être cher ( sorrow from the loss of a loved one ). Oh, by the way, I almost forgot --- testimony at yesterday's hearing featured this one little tidbit : one fine day in Texas, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand & Three, Brain McNamee, an employee of Roger Clemens, followed Debbie Clemens upstairs, at the Clemens Home, with a syringe sharked with Human Growth Hormone. There, in the confines of her bedroom, Debbie Clemens received a " test shot. " Her husband, Roger, was out playing golf at the time. The next day Debbie's flesh broke out in a rash and she began to itch uncontrollablly and the circulation of her blood seemed to freeze. She soon recovered and went on to pose in a bikini for Sports Illustrated. Yes, the mind reels as if it were an enormous trout, with a Sinker in its mouth, running to the dark side of a polluted pond on a stormy evening.
February 11, 2008 --- Comet Kohoutek. On January 29, 1974, over WOR, Jean Shepherd talked about the Dining-Out experience in Bangor, Maine on the 4th of April, 1908. He also discussed one man's encounter with an early radio broadcast on Walnut Street in Philadelphia, circa 1922, and the prospective apple crop of that year. Boring, you say? When Shepherd talks, you listen! Click here for the mp3.
February 10, 2008 --- If this Gig Doesn't Work Out, She Could Always Ask McCain to be His Running Mate. Hillary Clinton just got absolutely wiped out in yesterday's primaries. The Results --- Louisiana : Obama 57%, Clinton 36%; Nebraska : Obama 68%, Clinton 32%; Washington state : Obama 68%, Clinton 31%. Don't be surprised! When you are to the Right of John McCain, and call yourself a Democrat, you will lose in the primaries. Hillary, now is the time to resurrect those Superfly/Drug rumors that you've been keeping in your bag of tricks. The hour is late!
ADDENDUM: Feb. 9, 2008 --- John McCain is the New Brand X ! Two Lab Workers take a sample of a new product that they have just whipped up. They pour the contents of a bottle into a glass and hand it to the Chairman of the Board. " This is New Coke®, " the first Lab Worker says. " Try it. " " What was wrong with old Coke®? " the Chairman of the Board asks. After drinking a little from the glass, the Chairman frowns and says " It tastes funny. " " That's because you smoke cigarettes. Everything you put in your mouth tastes funny, if it's not a Camel, " the second Lab Worker says. The Chairman of the Board promptly fires the two Lab Workers, thereby saving the company from making a grievous business decision. With the money saved, the Chairman of the company contributes heavily to the McCain for President campaign. After McCain is elected, he bombs China and China invades Taiwan. America loses the war because, as a counter measure, the 101st Airborne parachutes into Buenos Aires and is utterly massacred. The soda company is surrendered to the Chinese as war reparations. Confucius say : He who is fool in short run is also fool in long run. He who is wise man in short run, if he be Republican, will wind up wearing his pants backward, all for sake of Party Loyalty.
ADDENDUM : Feb. 9, 2008 --- All in the Steroids Family! Is Debbie Clemens just another juicer? Hey, those breasts look store-bought to me! The photo below is brought to you courtesy of Sports Illustrated and Brian McNamee.
ADDENDUM: Feb. 8, 2008 --- A Right Cross from the Past. Remember the Jena 6 fiasco and ensuing hootenanny? I'll bet that many of you don't. At the time I was criticized by some members for not commenting at length on this Deep Southern Farce. The obvious problem, with media created shindigs, is that one man doesn't get to call any the shots when the Corporate Media has a monopoly on the microphone. The Corporate Media just goes blithely along, concocting the most outrageous lies and demanding that the public bow down and worship its latest electronic fabrications. Jena, Louisiana, was simply a commonplace example of a small group of thuggish black teenagers running roughshod, like runaway horses, through a Jerkwater town, until whites in that town finally got fed up and had the black kids collared and jugged. All this, somehow, was turned into a fresh example of the Emmet Till case. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton swooped down, filled their pockets and talked big. Twenty thousand out-of-towners showed up and staged a combination rally, march, and picnic. And then the phony " problem " just slowly petered-out. Reality decided to dawn. And, as everybody knows, Reality, like Feces, happens! Here is the latest example of Reality from the latest editions »»»
One of the "Jena Six" defendants was arrested yesterday for allegedly assaulting a fellow student at a Texas high school. Bryant Purvis, 19, was busted on the misdemeanor charge following an 8:30 AM altercation at Hebron High School in Carrollton, where his family relocated from Louisiana. [ According to the arresting officer, ] Purvis assaulted a male student he apparently suspected of vandalizing his auto. Along with choking the 18-year-old victim, the 6' 6" Purvis allegedly slammed the teenager's head on a table.
ADDENDUM, Feb. 7, 2008 --- They Keep Coming. The Bush administration has just abolished the rule requiring Agricultural Foremen to advertise agricultural jobs at local state-run employment offices. The effect of this recension of practice will be an increase of illegal aliens in the country and and a further lowering of the level of wages paid for farm labor. The failure to legalize 20 million foreigners last year means that laws protecting against the exploitation of scab foreign labor must now be twisted and bent to accommodate big business : the Gospel according to George W. Bush.
ADDENDUM, Feb. 4, 2008 --- If You Keep Doing That You'll Go Blind! Jessica Alba is the star of The Eye, an American remake of a Cantonese ( Hong Kong ) horror/thriller that was well received in Asia. The remake was released here with no advance screenings for critics --- and rightly so, the next-day reviews are universal in saying that the film is a stinkbomb --- and Alba has received no praise for her acting abilities in the film. Even so, the picture pulled in a Box Office Gross of 13 million over the weekend, which is not bad for a stinkbomb. Dear Jessica has star quality, or, in her case, Naked Impact. Into the Blue had plenty of Naked Impact: the assortment of bikinis ( dry & wet ) she wore in that 2005 movie would have gotten her arrested if she had showed up sporting them on the Jersey Shore ( even the Sheriff would admit that Jess is HAWT before he hauls her away in cuffs! ). Fans of La Nudité de l ' Alba are advised to forgo The Eye and save their money. The Eye is supposed to be a serious stinkbomb of a movie. There isn't a bikini in sight, not even a pair of sexy bloomers.
ADDENDUM, February 3, 2008 --- Rickenbacker Would Have Laughed at Him! When he was in the US Navy, John McCain lost 5 --- count 'em --- 5 Planes! The Details ( Click Here ) are not pretty.
ADDENDUM, February 2, 2008 --- Fools & Knaves Behind the Wheel. It seems that Jim Leyritz was not the only drunk driver that night ( December 28, 2007 ). The woman he crashed into and killed, when he blew a red light, was even more inebriated than he was. The coroner reports that the victim's ( Fredia Ann Veitch ) blood-alcohol level was 0.18. Leyritz' b-a level was 0.14. Veitch worked as a bartender and Jimbo was a customer. It's those free samples that will always get you in the end.
ADDENDUM, Jan. 31, 2008 --- There is Nothing New Under the Sun ( John McCain ). In 1940 there was a popular saying in Missouri that went something like this : " I own a Jackass, who is fat and silky. When He plows in front of me, He looks like Wendell Willkie. "
ADDENDUM, Jan. 29, 2008 --- The Race So Far. Among the candidates there has only been one surprise : John McCain. After the Amnesty Bill crashed and burned in the Senate in June of last year, his chances seemed hopeless. What he has done to revive himself is just simply to stay the course. He has risen as Rudy Giuliani has fallen. Only Republican voters around here really knew Rudy Giuliani, but far from the tri-state region ( New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut ) he ( Time's Man of the Year, Whoopee! ) was a mystery. Everybody in these parts knows that Rudy had the NYPD guard his mistress and run errands for her on the taxpayers dime, but when this became known to the public at large, two months ago, Giuliani's poll numbers sank like a stone. Today he loses the Florida primary. It is a question of when, not if, he pulls out of the race. So far McCain has only won in those states in which Independents and/or Democrats are permitted to vote in the Republican polling. Florida is a Republicans Only primary. If he wins Florida tonight, even barely, he will have a head of steam going into Super Tuesday. If he loses, even barely, then Mitt Romney will be the Front Runner and, after raking in delegates on Super Tuesday, Gumby ( our boy, Mitt?! ) will be practically unstoppable.
The Daft Corporate Media keeps telling us that Barack Obama kicked arrière-train in South Carolina on Saturday. But wait a minute, Cowboy, he got less than 25% of the White vote in a state in which more than 50% of the Dem. primary voters are Black. Those approximate conditions will not obtain again on Super Tuesday in any non-Dixie state. So Obama will certainly not knock Hillary out of the running on Super Tuesday. Nor will Hillary lay Obama low next week. She is a shockingly weak candidate. Ever since she came to grief over the issue of Driver's Licenses for Illegal Aliens, she has walked one step behind the relevancy curve. She cannot make the voters forget about her past bribe-taking and her wild words. And the fact that her husband remains the most reviled ex-President in US history does little to help smooth her way to the nomination. Just think of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton as two clubhouse Balookas who can't put each other away. So now there are four " Likelies: " Madman Johnny McCain, Gumby Mitt, $100,000 Hillary, and Barack " Change, Just Don't Ask Me What Kind of Change " Obama. In our darkest hour, we are cursed to choose a term-limited Dictator who cannot find his or her arrière-train with both hands! Dump Dollars and buy Euros and hide them in your socks! I've even heard that painted sea shells are rising in the market and might turn out to be a good investment!
ADDENDUM, Jan. 25, 2008 --- RFK Baloney. William Blake said that we believe a lie when we see with, not through, the eye. Perhaps no better example exists than the Quixotic 1968 President Campaign of Bobby Kennedy. Every inch the thrusting, grasping, self-promoting politician Kennedy entered the race only after Senator Eugene McCarthy of Minnesota had done the necessary spade work of challenging the incumbent President, Lyndon Johnson, in the New Hampshire primary. Shock waves of political disbelief ( Johnson 49%; McCarthy 42% in NH ) had hardly ceased to ripple before Kennedy followed " Clean Gene " down an alley and mugged him for every penny of his political thunder. Where once Bobby was afraid to take on LBJ for the nomination, he jumped into the race only after McCarthy had shown that Johnson could be beaten. The other myth about Kennedy was that he was an anti-war ( Vietnam ) candidate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Bobby was gung-ho about beating the VC and was not shy about saying so. McCarthy was the only true anti-war aspirant in the Dem. race and conducted himself accordingly. But we live in an age when history is told on tape and film, so we see with, not through, the eye. John Pilger has some choice words ( click here ) to say about " Saint Bobby. "
ADDENDUM, Jan. 23, 2008 --- The Pot Calling the Kettle a Negro. The other day Hillary Clinton accused Barack Obama of having crooked ghetto friends. That's Paris Hilton! That's Hot! Why didn't Obama remind her that once upon a time she took a $100,000 bribe and funneled it through the Cattle Futures Market in a not very clever attempt to paint over her dirty paw prints? Hey you, over there, fight back!
ADDENDUM, Jan. 2o, 2008 --- Hookers for Paul. Nevada Dem Confusion. Who said the Corporate Media won't cover the Ron Paul Campaign? Last night, I was watching one of the Network News shows and --- guess what! --- Ron Paul got some --- coverage that is! It would appear that the good Doctor is the preferred candidate among Pimps, Whores, & Johns in the state of Nevada. They just seem to love our Boy! Pimps, smoking cigars, told us that they and Ron Paul both believed in Free Enterprise! Hookers told us about how they coaxed their tricks into getting them to make donations to the Ron Paul Campaign. Johns told us Why Whores for Paul are Better in Bed! You've got to love the Corporate Media! They refuse to ignore Ron Paul, who finished a distant second behind Mitt Romney yesterday in Nevada. The rumors that Ron Paul will be cast as an aged Doctor who frequents a bespectacled prostitute, who is given to having serious conversations with her clients about the Gold Standard and the Federal Reserve Act of 1913, all before spreading her legs, in a remake of the Happy Hooker, are false.
Despite Preliminary Reports that Hillary Clinton bested Barack Obama in the Dem. Nevada Caucus yesterday, Obama may well have picked up more convention delegates --- the Hillster winning only the preference part of the contest. At this point in time the Corporate Media are confused about who actually won more Donkey delegates. You got to love the US Corporate Media! Always precise and right on the money! ( Lesbian Prostitutes for Hillary and High Horny Hookers for Obama somehow have been edited out of election coverage. Remember Hillary and Obama are real candidates for President while Ron Paul is not! ).
ADDENDUM, Jan. 12, 2008 --- The Bleeding Obvious, Part 362. It looks like there will be a recount in New Hampshire. In retrospect, the call for a recount was inevitable --- given the fact that that Paragon of Virtue, Hillary Clinton, was about ten points behind Obama in the opinion polls and wound up beating him by 3 points in the final poll that mattered! But there is a hitch! Electronic Voting Machines are designed to leave no paper trail, so a recount, done the old fashioned way, by hand, is out of the question! --- and according to reports, about 80% of all voting apparatus in New Hampshire is electronic. Obama won in those " primitive " precincts that still use a No. 2 Ticonderoga and a 4 x 6 card to record individual votes. By now, everybody knows how to hack an electronic voting machine : you open up the back, unscrew the plate, insert your miniature jump-drive with more Hillary votes than Obama votes on it, put the screws back in the plate, close up the back, and laugh your head off when you read in the newspapers five days later that about 80% of all voting in New Hampshire was done electronically!
Did Hillary Burst into tears when she took a $100,000 Bribe and had it laundered electronically through the Cattle Futures Market all those years ago? One thing about our gal Hill, you can bet the farm that she " tips " only poll watchers who know how to handle a miniature jump-drive! You can bet there ain't no bugs on Thoroughly Modern Hillary!
ADDENDUM, January 11, 2008 --- Yeast. On a night in May of 1961, over WOR in New York, Jean Shepherd created a 45 minute radio broadcast that is part Primal Scream and part one-man discourse on the Concept of Original Sin. I say " created " because a good Shepherd broadcast is the aural equivalent of watching Rodin work in clay. This broadcast has both the worst and best of Shepherd in a grain of sand, as it were : which is to say, he bays at the moon and talks like Plato, all in alternating breaths. Click here to get the mp3 --- and tell me I'm not right on in my description of the outlandish proceedings!
ADDENDUM, January 9, 2008 --- Correction. Yesterday this Page ran an item stating that Mike Huckabee favored a Constitutional Amendment stripping illegal aliens of the right of " birthright citizenship. " According to worldnetdaily.com, such a position is a gross misstatement of his views regarding Illegal Aliens. It appears that he thinks Illegal Aliens, born of Illegal Aliens, on US soil, should be considered US Citizens under US law. As far as the Huckster is concerned, it is a Peachy Idea and outright slander to say that he is against little Illegal Aliens Babies, who in the eyes of Jesus Christ --- and that's all that matters, are as pure as the driven snow. But one question remains : can you slander the Devil?
ADDENDUM, Jan. 8, 2008 --- Running with the Devil. Mike Huckabee reminds you that, in comic books, the Preacher character always seems to chase young girls, get drunk on whiskey, and lie a lot about Theology. Huckabee has recently made noise about pushing for an amendment to the Constitution that would prohibit birthright citizenship to the children of illegal aliens born on American soil. Going to Mike Huckabee, in hopes of doing something about the Third World Invasion of the US, is like walking over to the AC/DC table at a flea market in the hope of finding a complete collection of Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes! Preposterous! The Huckster is again playing the Generally Dumb Public for Complete Morons. Under the Fourteenth Amendment to the US Constitution, Congress alone has the power to determine who becomes a US Citizen at birth; and Congress has done so when it passed legislation granting groups such as the Sioux and Puerto Ricans, once subjects of Spain, American Citizenship.
In 1980, when the first Cuban Streetwalker, newly arrived in Miami, courtesy of the Jimmy Carter's Mariel Boatlift, flopped down on the docks and gave birth to a newly minted American Citizen, it was plain that there was going to be a growing future problem which Congress would need to address under the Fourteenth Amendment --- in a nutshell, would foreigners and their offspring be allowed to brake American Visa laws and then be amnestied and rewarded? Since 1980, the answer has been a resounding YES! Democrat & Republican controlled Congresses have been perfectly happy to do nothing and stand idly by while the Invasion gathers bigger and bigger heads of Steam! Yet Governors like the Huckster have shaken down their taxpayers for welfare benefits to Illegals! I want the same Dictionary that Huckabee is using : the one with the word " shame " torn out!
We Made It!!!!!!
I read the News today, Oh, Boy!
4,000 Holes in Blackburn, Lancashire;
And though the Holes were rather small,
They had to count them all!
Now they know how many Holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall!
( i'd love to turn you on ).
Richard Cummings has some amusing things to say about this most recent example of pure farce in the Corporate Media.
ADDENDUM, Dec 30, 2007 --- Must There be a Reason for Everything? According to Erica Chevillar ( smiling below ) : " There was a lot of partying going on. Everyone was drinking. " She is describing the happenings at the Jim Leyritz birthday party, where she was in attendance. Erica is a member of the USA National Bikini Team ( I kid you not ). She is also known as the " Bikini History Teacher. " But maybe not anymore, because she was fired from her High School teaching job when her boss, who was also School Principal, saw her spread in Playboy. Oh by the way, Jim Leyritz plowed his car into Fredia Ann Veitch, mother of two, who had just knocked off from work as bartender. Jim Leyritz is reputed to have been a good customer. Fredia Ann is dead and Jim is looking for a good lawyer. Erica Chevillar? She is talking to any reporter who will listen --- with her clothes on, of course.
ADDENDUM, Dec. 30, 2007 --- The Last Dog has been Hung. ( find a cat ). This Morning, the New York Times has a very long and long-winded editorial on illegal immigration into the United States ( are all New York Times editorials long-winded? ). It is more of the same. The editorial praises the Democrats for being in favor of amnesty and condemns all Republicans for speaking out against the idea ( almost all, the editorial WE just loves John McCain! ). But the editorial is remarkable for one thing : its many sentences refuse to acknowledge the recent past. Just this Spring, Senate phone lines collapsed; Senate Fax machines melted down; and Senate e-mail boxes went poof! because outraged constituents flooded the offices of Republican & Democrat Senators with pure, hot, electronic, righteous anger. An Amnesty Bill for illegals aliens breezed through the Senate, with a winning margin of more than 60 votes, in 2006. In 2007, after 6 new Democrats were installed and the Party took control away from Republicans, supporters of Amnesty ran up against filibuster upon filibuster and collapsed into an ignominious heap of defeat! Shouldn't more Democrats have meant more goodies for their pets, the Illegals? Why, the Dems look on criminal foreigners in much the same way as a Banker loves his Gold Reserves. Where the latter sees Real Money, the former sees Real Votes! The 1965 Immigration legislation, opening our borders to the Third World, was still sacred in 2006. How could a minor amendment to it in 2007 bite the dust harder than an Extra in a Spaghetti Western? The answer is one precious word : REALITY!; and reality, boys and girls, is a thing that employees of the New York Times don't feel obliged to take cognizance of.
Listen to the Music of History. Beginning in the 1880s, it seemed that every peasant in Europe dreamed of entering the United States. All it took was sufficient funds to buy the $20 ticket ( the equivalent of about $800 today ) for the trans-Atlantic passage. As these newly minted Americans arrived, a political sentiment arose among Americans already here, Enough! Naples or Minsk were strange foreign places that Americans wished not to see constructed in America. But the United States was still an unsettled and under-populated country; business and political classes wanted cheap workers and steady voters to shoulder the laboring burden. If you did not work, you did not eat. If you did not vote the way of the ward boss, you did not get coal for the scuttle nor wood for the fireplace. There was no system of welfare or social security. The poor did not receive free hospitalization : they went to public medical institutions to die, and were supposed to do so quickly to free the bed. If you bought a stamp, it was to mail a letter. Stamps for Food were messages you wrote begging for a loan. Immigrants would could not hack it in America, hit up their relations for the passage money to return home --- simple as that!
However, round about 1905, immigration to the US and American life in general would take on a more complicated stripe. A group of Italian immigrants, called, at first, Galleanists after their leader and who would be lated called bomb-throwers --- because that's what they did : they blew things up! --- started to draw attention to themselves. But until 1920 they had little effect on immigration policy because practically all their targets were idle rich folks. A not very amusing example of this class warfare was the time the Galleanist chef of a ritzy hotel became so enraged at the sight of the diamond-studded stuffed shirts and chemises, attending a particularly gaudy chow-down, that he poured a pint of arsenic into the soup cauldron ( no diner was killed, because the dosage was so strong that the laced soup was instantly spit out ). But in 1920 single murderous attempts against wealthy people became more generalized in scope. In June of that year, the US Attorney General's house in Washington, DC was bombed, along side other houses nearby, which were also badly damaged. In September, Wall Street was rocked by a massive explosion that killed more than 30 people and maimed hundreds more. In 1921, 1923, and 1924 immigration legislation was passed that greatly restricted the level of immigration from Eastern & Southern Europe, and many Galleanists were unceremoniously and quickly deported. Reality had caught up with Politics after more than forty years. Emma Lazarus & the Statue of Liberty could no longer be mentioned in polite society. The United States government had just built two fences overnight. Their names were Atlantic and Pacific.
For the last forty years, the editorial page of the New York Times has lived in a Willy Wonka fantasy land on the subject of immigration, full of Oompa-Loompas and wax tea cups. Republican voters inhabit a different universe entirely. Theirs is a world of menacing change. When they look around, they see Rivers of Blood, not Rivers of Chocolate. Crime and Poverty have been the off-shoots of the 1965 Immigration Bill & the Amnesty Bill of 1986. America is well on the way to becoming just another Third World shithole. That's what happened in 2007, REALITY finally dawned for some politicians. Here's hoping, that in 2008, more and more Americans hear the alarm clock when it rings.
ADDENDUM, Dec. 29, 2007 --- Screwball. It may be said that Jim Leyritz has sounded a fitting coda to the Year in Baseball, 2007. The other night, after having a few pops too many, jokester Jim staggered into his vehicle and roared off into the night, absolutely feces-faced. He blew a red light and smashed into a car driven by a young woman. Such was the impact of the crash that the woman was ejected from her vehicle, coming to a stop on the asphalt, face down. Medics scraped up what was left of the woman off the street and rushed to save her, but their valiant efforts would prove to be in vain : she succumbed to her injuries a short time later in a local hospital. It seems that Jimbo has a problem with the Demon Rum --- but that's just it with Stew Bums, they make their little problems your one big problem, particularly when they've had a snoot-full. At the scene of the crime ( manslaughter ) Leyritz refused to take a Breathalyzer Test. Smelling like Eau de Johnny Walker Red, the cops cuffed him and compelled him to donate his blood, type ginmill, at the same hospital were the unfortunate woman had been taken. Jim didn't brake the machine, but when the results came back from the lab wrapped in a cocktail napkin with a swizzle stick and little paper umbrella attached, it's safe to say that he failed the sobriety test going away! What do you think, Jim? Two or three years in the state pen might just be the ticket! You'll probably need the time to dry out. Good on ya, Jim! Is killing a perfectly innocent lady on the street with your car just another hysterical joke, you Drunken Bum, you?
ADDENDUM, Dec. 26, 2007 --- Dead Again. ( the Saga of Rudy Ghouliani ). Sinking precipitously in national and state polls, Rudolph Giuliani is struggling to stay above ground and keep company with the nightcrawlers and the grasshoppers. It was not so long ago --- in Sept., around the time of the 9-11 Observances --- that Rudy was touted by " experts " ( they're on TV and you're not! ) as the frontrunner and the man to beat in the race for the Republican Presidential Nomination. At what precise moment did he fly off the rails and end up in the proverbial ditch, or was it a slow gradual downcline to political destruction? Remember the night St. Rudy rounded on Ron Paul and demanded that the Texas Congressman apologize for claiming that the US Military was in the wrong for invading Iraq? After all, Rudy said in so many words, the more foreign innocents killed the better for the gude ole OOOh SSSSSSS Ay! Or was it the apartment dweller who spoke to the camera and told the lens that she couldn't believe what she saw one morning on her block : the spectacle of a burly New York City Gold Shield Detective walking the dog that belonged to Rudy Giuliani's girlfriend, and watching on in astonishment as One of New York's Finest stooped down to clean up after the beloved, tiny mongrel with a pooper-scooper, all the while clocked in on the Taxpayer's dime! I'm sure, gentle reader, that you can clutch tightly to your own particular, precious moment when you thought you saw the St. Rudy Campaign go down, like the LZ129 Hindenburg, in brilliant flame. Only the day and time of his withdrawal, from the race, remains uncertain. When will he pull out? --- after New Hampshire or wait until Michigan? Place your bets, ladies & gentlemen, place your bets!
ADDENDUM, December 25, 2007 --- You Are Getting Sleepy ! Senator Hillary Clinton has just confessed that the reason she voted for the Invasion of Iraq, in 2002, is due to the hypnotizing telephone technique of Condi Rice. It appears that Madame Rice is a practicing Mesmerist, and that she does not draw the line at using her extraordinary abilities, while talking on the telephone, to further the policy objectives of her boss, President George W. Bush. A Question of the Ages has finally been revealed!
" When the President Does It, that Means It's Not Illegal. "
ADDENDUM, December 24, 2007 --- Stink Bomb. The Daily Comic Strip " Get Fuzzy " has always been a personal favorite, but in the last year or so, it has been God-awful, with very few exceptions. 2006 was a banner year for the strip ( Shakespug --- above --- has always been a particular love ). But rotten, rotten is the way things have going lately and Darby Conley knows it. Perhaps a new ghost writer would help? Has Conley been using a ghost writer?
ADDENDUM, December 19, 2007 --- Dipsomaniac on Parade ! There is a short memoir on the boozy presence of Nicol Williamson, written by Paul Rudnick, a playwright. It appears in the two-week special edition of the New Yorker magazine ( December 24 & 31, 2007 ). After Rudnick wrote the play, I Hate Hamlet in 1990, he offered the leading role of John Barrymore's ghost, to Nicol Williamson. Rudnick had just bought the Golden Ticket for a one way trip to Dante's Inferno. He thought that Williamson's reputation as a full-time, violent drunkard was over blown. In point of fact, he felt that Williamson would bring a slice of Method Acting to the role of Barrymore. It would prove to be one of those decisions, that during the course of a lifetime, stand out as being on a par with self-mutilation and only slightly less irrevocable than suicide. What a hooched up terror Williamson was! --- he appears to have been stewed to the gills for 25 hours in the 24! Did I say Dante's Inferno? According to Rudnick, working with Williamson would make Dante's Inferno look like a Girl Scout Weiner Roast! The incidents that Rudnick relates --- well, just go out and buy the mag, it'll be on sale for two weeks, so you have time. The price is $4.99, and it's worth every penny!
I Saw Williamson in the Broadway productions of Uncle Vanya and I Hate Hamlet. Very tall and Scottishly pale, he had a piecing tenor voice that he could bring down low, at will, and to great effect. Sometimes excessive alcohol, once removed, gives pleasure to the audience, even if John Barleycorn damages the health of the direct recipient ( don't get me started on my story about Richard Burton and the whiskey shakes! ). Williamson's voice is front and center on the Argo four-disc LP album of Tolkien's the Hobbit --- but the recording has gone out of print and is, nowadays, only available as a bootleg. After 1997, Nicol Williamson has apparently vanished from the face of the earth. For ten years, no hide nor hair of him has been reported. There is an Internet rumor going around, that claims he made a brief appearance on British TV in 2006. But it was probably a bottle of Johnny Walker Red dressed up for Halloween.
ADDENDUM, December 17, 2007 --- Are English Men Fed Up With English Women? From the pages of the Times : I love English women. The great love of my life was English. I always thought I would end up with an English girl. But I’m never getting laid in Britain ever again.
I ensured this by writing an article last week in The Times, comparing British and American women and asking why British women don’t spend the time, money and effort on their upkeep that American women do. What started out as a light-hearted, anecdotal account of my impressions of dating women on both sides of the Atlantic has exploded into a national furore.
Granted, my comments were provocative. I described an English girl I was once set up with as “something that would surely have been happier hunting truffles in the forests of central France”. I also said this woman had been described to me as “having the body of a 20-year-old” to which I responded, “maybe she did ... dismembered in her freezer at home. She certainly didn’t have it on her skeleton”.
I didn’t expect to make friends when I wrote that you “don’t exactly need calipers to figure out in which country the women look after themselves more”. But the response has been insane. A large number of comments on The Times’s website might be 20 or 30: my article drew 550. The Sun ran a spread on my story and The Guardian anointed me Sexist of the Year.
I was utterly unprepared for the avalanche, but I stick to my guns: when British women reach the age where looking good is no longer effortless, they seem unwilling or unable to rise to the challenge. And judging by the vitriol of the response, I realize I’ve not only touched a nerve, I’ve reached into the underbelly of a deep, dark insecurity. Nobody gets that defensive about something they don’t care about.
The comments about my piece fall into several categories. The point most made by a long, long way is that I’m a prat (or as Marv writes, “as shallow as a one-inch pool of frozen water”): tough one to argue with, so I’ll leave it well alone.
After that, by far the most common point the humourless drones want to make is that they’d rather be frumpy with wonderful personalities than Barbie dolls with nothing between their ears.
This argument is so patently absurd that I can hardly believe it. It is not binary: you can have a personality and an arse that doesn’t take up two seats on the bus. If you can retain your wonderful, cheerful, sweet, fun personality and be beautiful is that not better? Or, Anna L from Kent, is your sweet personality inextricably tied to your being a size 16 ... like Samson’s strength is to his hair?
I don’t suggest that British women take the money from your education fund and put it towards plastic surgery. Nor do I suggest you take the hours per week dedicated to cultural and intellectual pursuits and use them for beauty treatments. Just take the time you dedicate to sitting on the sofa eating femur-sized Toblerones while watching EastEnders. (Thank you, Lizzy from Harrow, for the insight that I “will have boring children” ... probably not, as I don’t intend to have children with you).
Next is that British women don’t want to be obsessed with beauty regimes. Again, this is not an either/or.
Many women seem to think that doing anything more than their current routine would deem them fixated. At what point, I ask you, does “a healthy interest” turn into “obsession”?
Flossing? Waxing? Skipping pudding once in a while? Or is the moment you hire a trainer the start of an irreversibly slippery slope to waking up one day as Joan Rivers?
ADDENDUM, December 17, 2007 --- Tough Talk in the UK. Tomorrow Liam Byrne, the Labour Immigration Minister, will stand up in Parliament and announce the government's intention to institute a £1,000 cash bond on all non-EU temporary residence visas for entry into the UK. " Over the next twelve months, [ Britain ] will see the biggest shake up in its history!, " he said. It is presumed that the bond would be deemed forfeit in the event of a visa overstay of one day past ninety. The Conservative Party Shadow Immigration Minister Damian Green said that the government plan was " tough talk rather than effective action. " The Labour Party gained only 35% of the vote in the last British General Election, but managed to take about 55% of all Parliamentary seats. The next General Election in Britain does not have to take place until Springtime, 2010. The Prime Minister Gordon Brown ( or Broone as he has often been derisively called ) may just wait that long before he calls for the election. The Labour Party are [ is, in American verb usage ] riding very low in opinion polls at the moment.
December 16, 2007 --- Barack Obama, Superfly! No Black Drugdealer will live in the White House while Hillary's Around! Hillary Clinton instills certain characteristics in her minions, and when those characteristics emerge full blown, they sometimes must be punished, even if the lady upstairs encouraged such behavior, once upon a time. It must be understood that Hillary Clinton is a carnivore. She will start on your toes and feet for breakfast, devour the rest of your limbs for lunch, and chew out your brains for dinner. If your chosen New Hampshire campaign bigwig has shouted from the housetops that Barak Obama has a drug-dealing past, which the Republicans will be certain to highlight if he manages to get the Democratic Presidential Nomination, well then, out you go! Your devalued hide must be sacrificed for the greater good of the Hillster. Now that Mrs. Clinton is starting to fall down to second place in the polls, there are sure to be other sacrifices of downtrodden campaign workers in store! Obama, don't you dare step between Hillary and her intended destination! She'll rip your lungs out, Barack!