Detective Club of Jersey City
Detective Club of Jersey City
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Detective Club
 In these difficult Economic Times, Ladies of Easy Virtue find themselves constrained
 to inquire after the Credit-Worthiness of Potential Clientèle.
Detective Club of Jersey City

  November 19, 2008 --- Invasion UK. Until 1997, The average rate of immigration into Great Britain ranged between 50,000 and 100,000 per annum. Last year 577,000 Third World immigrants were welcomed into the UK by the Labour Party, which regards the immigrant influx as a certain, perpetual guarantee of future votes. When Labour came to power in 1997, London was still a highly habitable city. Eleven years on, parts of the city are now little Nairobis, Bombays, and Karachis. At the quick march to doom that London is going, the once great seat of the World's Greatest Empire will soon completely be colonized by the Third World. The City Herself is about to fall and then Britannia shall crumble insensate into the sea, rotted-out and conquered by the Third World.

  November 17, 2008 --- Change! President-elect Barry Sutoro ( AKA Soetoro; AKA Suetorro, AKA Obama, etc. ) has hired Valerie Jarrett to head the White House Office of Public Liaison. A long-time friend of Barry and Michelle, Jarrett earned her slum lord chops working for Tony Rezko in Chicago in the housing industry ( Section 8 ).
  Valerie Jarrett : Seen here in June of 2007,
 photographed during a long process in which she swallowed
 Barry Sutoro's complete Birth Certificate, printed on
 Indonesian Rice Paper ( tries to sell remnant
 on eBay, but fails ).

  November 14, 2008 --- Profound & Deep. Deep & Profound. Rising Sun ( 1993 ), a movie that is a true Bacchanalia for the brain, has two aphorisms that go something like this : ( 1 ). If you wait by the riverside long enough, you will witness the body of your worst enemy go floating by. ( 2 ). Always leave the leave the cage door open so that the fleeing bird will know how to return. Wow! These are just two examples of the many ways in which this film manages to be deeper than the Pacific Ocean! Tia Carrere comes onboard to grace the end of the cinematic proceedings. Like Obama she is supposed to be half-Black ( only in the world of film make-believe ), and, like it says on Obama's fake Birth Certificate, she was born in Honolulu ( Fo' Reals! ). To convince you that her character is half-Black, she wears a kinky wig that is the most disgusting-looking wig in Christendom ( if somebody attacked her real hair, Tia should have sued to collect money for malpractice with a curling-iron ). Her face, you ask? Must you? OK, Her Face looks like it emerged from blue, wavy, Hawaiian waters, set-off to the background of a polished and smoothly-ridged scallop shell.

Tia Carrere in " Rising Sun " - Detective Club of Jersey City

  November 13, 2008 --- Even Midgets Started Small. Houdini Incorporated, located at 4225 North Palm Street in Fullerton, California, specializes in gift baskets ( California wines, chocolate gnomes, etc. ). Houdini also specializes in hiring illegal aliens from Central America. The Company is aptly named. Houdini Inc. is truly Houdini-like. The Company has made good paying jobs disappear for Americans and caused said jobs to re-materialize for foreigners, at a pittance. Observing the packing and shipping tables of Houdini, only Spanish is spoken. If you want to apply for a packing or shipping job with Houdini, you must know your Spanish because only Spanish job-applications are handed out when you ( Mr. & Mrs. Gringo ) apply in person! --- For the sake of appearances, an English language job-application is posted, along with the Spanish one, on Houdini's website. ( What is the Spanish word for SUCKERS? ). Does Houdini Inc. automatically trash all electronic applications that it gets having Anglo-Saxon names? Want do you think, amigo?
 November 9, 2008 --- Is Barack Obama Really Julia Stiles?
Julia Stiles - Detective Club of Jersey City
   You Remember Julia Stiles, don't you, Clubbers? She was that good-looking, flat-chested, short, blonde chick in all those teeny-bopper movies, circa 1998-2003. For a few years there, in Hollywood, she was a hot property, then she seemed to fall off the show-biz map. In her heyday, she had a snotty attitude but a ready smile. That sort of slap-you-kiss-me aura goes over big with the very important age group of 17-34, white, male, ticket buyers. Then, poof, she seemed to disappear, without trace. She kept making new movies, nonetheless, but in those new movies she turned into a good-girl-gone-bad. Was it just me, or did you notice how things turned downward suddenly for Ms. Stiles? When she wasn't draping her arm around a big black boyfriend, she was playing a character who was constantly mouthing-off about some trendy Lefty cause? In nanoseconds that very important age group of 17-34, white, male, ticket buyers took a hike. To put it plainly, they took the fastest powder that you ever saw! Too much slap-you and not enough kiss-me, if you receive my meaning. Ms. Stiles is still in show business. She even appears in the Bourne series of motion pictures, which is quite a profitable cinema franchise, but the bloom is most definitely off the rose! Julia had turned into your ex-girlfriend. You know, the one you used to be very fond of --- to the point of insanity --- but soured on when all those nasty rumors that your friends told you about her were confirmed by you on a personal basis. The adage " YOU CAN NEVER GO HOME AGAIN " applies to townships and vaginas alike. So then how is Barack Obama like Julia Stiles. Barack Obama is popular in gay bars on Christopher Street. They may go in for the slap-you-kiss-me stuff in such places, but Julia Stiles, the movie star, did not frequent such places. But the parallel is as simple as it is direct. Barack Obama desperately needs the all important 17-34, white, male voter. If he goes bad by draping his arm around big Lefty political Hookers and starts in mouthing about how the US must be a responsible citizen-of-the-world ( while leaving the borders open and immigration levels high ), he will lose all the love which that very important age group, etc., might have ever had for him. If that should happen, then it's one term and out for you, Barack, Baby! --- and Will Smith won't even give you a bit-part in any of his movies, Barack.
  November 8, 2008 --- Oh, S**t. The New York Times Company is offering a reprint of its Nov. 5, post-election edition at the dirt-cheap price of $14.95 ( the Banner Headline says it right out : OBAMA ). When news of this spectacular offer hit the cosmos, canaries throughout the tri-state region suddenly found themselves living in unlined cages. On Weekdays and Saturdays the cover price of the Times is $1.50. At this Plain-Jane lower price, Times circulation has been falling like a stone off a high bridge. The Times has not yet figured out a means by which Obama can be re-elected every day of the week --- but give the Times time, something may be worked out ( OBAMA FREES THE SLAVES has already been taken [ 1863 ] ).
  November 7, 2008 --- NEO-Conned, Again! After September 11, 2001, the Fed. Gov. propaganda machine had the trans-national media circulate the story that visa-overstayers and illegal aliens from the Middle-East were solely responsible for the bombings in DC & NYC, which had occurred on that eventful day. You might think that such an outrageous and murderous outcome of US Immigration Policy would be rectified. You might think that a " conservative " President would urge a " conservative " Congress to, at the very least, cutback and police the high level of Legal and Illegal, Third World Immigration into the United States. If so, your thinking would be most definitely wrong. What happened on September 12, 2001 ( or thereabouts ), in a nutshell, was that Ariel Sharon, who became Prime Minister of Israel in 2001, picked up a phone in Tel Aviv and dialed a number that branched his line directly into a telephone on the desk of President George W. Bush. Sharon told Bush where to go ( to Iraq! )! The rest, as they say in AIPAC, is history. Yesterday, Rahm Israel Emanuel, a former " civilian " member of the IDF, accepted President-elect Barack Obama's offer to become Chief-of-Staff in January. The White House Chief-of-Staff controls who gets to see the President and who does not. Right now --- as you read this, dear Clubber --- the janitorial staff of National Review is tearing down all portraits of GWB, hanging on the office walls, and replacing them with Jesus-style velour mock-ups of our Lord & Saviour, Barack Obama! John McCain is not the only politician who knows the words to " Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran. "
  November 5, 2008 --- Amnesty for Auntie in 2009? Will Obama's Aunt, an illegal alien, along with 20 million other Third World invaders, be granted Amnesty in 2009? The House is a lost cause --- with a Dem. gain of at least 20 seats, an Amnesty bill would sail through in 2009. But the Senate still looks out of reach. The Dems. picked up 5 seats last night ( the 6th, in Minnesota, is so close at this moment that even if the Republican, Norm Coleman, hangs on, there is certain to be a recount, because he finishes only several hundred votes ahead in the initial tally). To sure of breaking a filibuster on Amnesty for Illegals, the Senate Amnesty Dems. needed a pickup of at least 8 seats last night. There are enough anti-Amnesty Dems., in the Senate, to insure that the 2007 filibuster will be repeated in 2009. Of course, the current level of " Legal Immigration, " now running at 2 million Third Worlders, per year, will probably be increased, and Obama's Auntie will keep drawing her monthly welfare checks, undisturbed. She might even get a part-time job with ICE, now that her nephew is the new President of the Disunited States of Third World Bus Station!

Smoke Kools!

                          Election Day, 2008 --- Mohammed's Radio ( by Warren Zevon ).

Everybody's restless
and they got no place to go.
Someone's always trying
to tell them
Something they already know.
So their Anger &
resentment flow.

You know the Sheriff's
got his problems, too.
And He will surely take them
out on me & you.
In walks the Village Idiot
& His Face is
 All aglow.
Because He's been up
All night listening to
Mohammed's Radio.

Everybody's desperate,
trying to make ends meet.
Work all day, still can't
Pay the price of
   Gasoline & meat.

Alas, their lives are incomplete!

You've been up all night
just listening for His Drum.
Hoping that the Righteous
Might just, might just,
Might just, might just come!
I heard the General whispering
 To his Aide-de-Camp :
" Be Watchful for Mohammed's Lamp! "

Don't it make you want to
    rock 'n' roll! ---
All night long!
Mohammed's Radio!
I heard somebody singing,
Sweet & Soulful,
On the Radio.
   Mohammed's Radio!

  November 3, 2008 --- Bizarro World, Part 463. In the nation of Bizarro, in which we live, it is a crime to leak to the Press information about the illegal alien aunt of the Dem. nominee for President, who refuses to show us his US Birth Certificate ( here's hoping that one exists ). Auntie Zeituni was flown in from Kenya on a temporary tourist visa and stayed permanently after it expired. She was given a real Social Security number. She receives federal and state welfare payments. She lives in subsidized housing. She waved the American Flag in the halls of the US senate at Obama's swearing-in ceremony. She is crippled and has been photographed leaning on a cane ( don't you feel sorry for her? ). She is a recipient of Medicaid. She has maintained her " out-of-status " status as an illegal  alien  for more than four years, in this country, without fear of having the deportation order issued against her person carried out! After she cashed one of her welfare checks at the cash-spot, she gave $265.00 to her bigshot nephew, our Citizen-of-the-World, Barack " Barry " Obama, to help him with his campaign for President. Obama says she worked as a computer-programmer in Nairobi in her younger days ( Insert Laughter Here ). In 1976 the Sex Pistols thought they were talking about the UK when they went up on stage and screamed : " No Future, No Future! " They were off by thirty-two years and they must have meant the US, when they were doing all that screaming. Don't dare even whisper a word about Aunt Zeituni though, or her nephew might have you arrested for hate speech!
 October 30, 2008 --- The Presidential Campaign as a Criminal Enterprise. Students of History will recognize the year. The Republicans nominate a candidate with a reputation for corruption and a taste for patronage. The Democrats nominate a military figure who is a non-entity and who winds up losing to the crook by only ten thousand votes in the nationwide-poll. There seem to be no issues between the candidates to debate. In 1880, the Democrats are still sore about having the election of 1876 stolen from them in the most blatant manner. They will suspect that the same thing has occurred in 1880, but they are forced to wait until 1884 to claim the White House after being denied by the Republicans in every campaign since 1860. The loser, General Winfield Scott Hancock, returns to his old government job, Commander of the US Army's Division of the Atlantic & Military Department of the East on New York's isolated Governor's Island where he quietly fades away and dies, utterly forgotten. The winner, James A. Garfield, is shot in the back by a failed patronage-seeker, in June of 1881, while he is waiting for a train to arrive in a station in Washington, DC. The nation waits as the life of the new President hangs in the balance. He quickly recovers his strength, thanks to a hardy constitution; the bullet, fired at close range, lodges in Garfield's sinewy back muscles ( from Ohio, he had started working, at the age of four, for his widowed mother, on the family farm ). A healing cyst had formed around the contaminated bullet. But the best medical care would overmaster Garfield's famously hardy constitution. Doctors are brought to the White House sick room to locate the bullet. For 79 days, they fish and they probe without finding it. Doctor after doctor cuts into the wall of the President's back with filthy instruments, hoping to locate the offending, poisoned lozenge of lead. After 79 days, the President at last succumbs to too much help. If he had been left alone to recover at his own pace, without benefit of constant, inquisitive surgery, he would have surely survived the shock of the offending bullet's entry into his body. But doctors are doctors, they at least want to appear honest. If they have hopes of leaving a big bill, they want to show off their learned proficiency by cutting up a patient first! President Garfield's much abused wound was not the first mistake that the medical profession has buried, nor will it be the last --- not by a long chalk!
   In a Round About way this year's campaign is reminiscent of 1880. We have our vapid military figure and our winning(?) candidate coming from a culture of corruption and from a mid-west political machine of outrageous patronage. Both candidates are loathe to debate the issues of the day. But our Chosen One is thoroughly modern. He has raised a sum approaching 700 million dollars, much of it dirty and from overseas. His little ACORNS are only too happy to spend it, with abandon, on us, but --- most of all --- on themselves! He is so modern and computerized that no paper US Birth Certificate, proving his domestic nativity, seems to exist! Will our Chosen One win by 10,000 votes or even better? After all GW won by only 500 votes, and look what a sport he turned out to be!

  October 27, 2008 --- Misinformation, Part 463. When the media gets hold of something, it is like a dog with a bone : it worries a reputed fact to the point of nonsense. Lately the " fact " that Ronald Reagan was 8 points behind, in the opinion polls, before he debated Carter in the last week of the 1980 Presidential Campaign, has been beaten to death. Drink a deep dose of Reality, TeeVee People. Carter had refused to debate Reagan for months because he was afraid of losing a war of words to Reagan's persuasive tongue ( he was right to be so fearful ). Carter and Reagan were neck-and-neck in most polls, with Reagan more than slightly ahead in a few. To pull out of hat, one poll that was demonstrably faulty, is to stand a ridiculous argument on brittle glass. But you know the universal credo of the trans-national Media World --- grab a factoid out of your hindquarters and run with it. It has always been ever thus!
  October 25, 2008 --- America's First 6ft. First Lady. According to La Michelle Obama : Barack Gets IT! What in the name of all that's Holy is IT?
  October 22, 2008 --- Down Argentine Way. Round about 1907, the tribe of Yours Truly were sharecroppers in Northern Italy. One branch of the tribe took off for newly built tenements in Manhattan, the other for refurbished apartments in the old " mansions " of Buenos Aires. At the turn of the last century, Argentina was considered to be more prosperous by Italians, perhaps because half the populace spoke Italian and the other half spoke Spanish, which was near enough to Italian to be bearable on Romance, Italian-speaking tongues! By the end of the Twentieth Century, Argentina had been rendered dirt poor by dictators and Socialism. Yesterday the government of Argentina made the first moves towards " nationalizing " 30 Billion Dollars in heretofore private pension funds. Argentina is going broke again and needs the money, we have been somberly told. What happens in Buenos Aires stays in Buenos Aires? It could never happen in modern Manhattan, now could it?
 October 19, 2008 --- Backfire to the Elephant's Face. This morning Colin Powell ( ex-everything ) endorsed Barack Obama. Because of the Republican Party and Racial Preferences, Powell, a man of extremely modest mental abilities, managed to leap over and achieve various military and political positions. Powell will be forever remembered as a boot-licking bureaucrat who helped to cover-up US Army massacres of civilians in Vietnam and who shamelessly lied to the world about evidence of Iraq's " Weapons of Mass Destruction. " After George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004, he went to the " reformed " alcoholic and begged that he be allowed to remain in his position of Secretary of State. Bush turned away his pleas and demanded his resignation ( Bush had grown to suspect that Powell and his staff had sought to curry favor with the Press by copiously leaking items when any stray story seemed to put Powell in a good light ). The position of Secretary of State was kept within the circle of Racial Preference --- the ridiculous bumblings of Condi Rice have given encouragement to all non-Russian speaking Russia Experts everywhere. After decades of Republican contortions into pretzel-like shapes in order to win the Black vote, John McCain will garner no more than 3% of it in November. The Marquis de Sade was a Republican because he so loved Pain.
Detective Club of Jersey City
 The Republican National Committee Puts a Little Something Extra into John McCain's Bourbon. Blackhawk, No. 200.

  October 18, 2008 --- Blasted to Hell. For those who care. Guillaume Depardieu, France's Greatest Living Hophead, has relinquished the title --- he no longer lives. He cashed in his chips earlier this week. His body simply gave out after long years of outrageous self-abuse. Devoted Clubbers will remember that he showed up on these pages on August 9, 2008 ( Click Here ) after he was involved in an auto-accident. His plastic leg broke in two but saved his life. He lived to shoot-up another day. It is rumored that a hot load of seven New York bags did the trick.
 October 16, 2008 ---  Michael Corleone Talks to His Stock Broker : Just when I told you I wanted to get out you told me to stay in. You know, you remind me of my brother Fredo --- the last job he had before he drowned suddenly, in a boating accident, was on Wall Street.
  October 14, 2008 --- The Flood of Green. The Sec. of the Treasury has pulled 250 Billion Dollars out of his hat ( better than a rabbit ). With this freshly printed pile of fiat currency, favored banks are supposed to start lending. In 1933, FDR tried to deploy this Socialist technique. He had the Bureau of Engraving & Printing turnout Brown-Seal " National Currency " fiat notes, which were dumped on banks through the Federal Reserve System. But in 1933, those banks that were still up and running after March refused to lend the fresh money out to companies and people who were unlikely to pay it back! Back in '33, Bankers were crude! They were so crude and narrow-minded that some of the 1933 Brown-Seal notes did not enter the money supply until the early sixties, gathering mold in bank vaults until reliable customers, with collateral ( what a concept! ), showed up ( the Brown-Seal notes were held as reserves for many years--- wow, again what a concept! ). Does the Sec. of Treasury plan to force the new, hotshot banks to issue new sub-prime mortgages and to dole out loans to busted NAM businesses. Sure sounds like it! ACORN, pull up your wheelbarrow and Weimar here we come! ( Still having computer troubles. Is the Club eligible for a loan on a super duper new model with LINUX ( I HATE WINDOWS! )? But being broke, we have no collateral. --- By the way, paper money collectors often call the Brown-Seal notes " Franklin's Fakes! "
  October 11, 2008 --- Beer, Tea, Boys & Pipes. At the turn of the last century, say around 1906 or thereabouts, it was said that the favorite pursuits of scholars and professors, at the various colleges of Oxford University ( England ), were beer, tea, boys and pipes --- but not necessarily in that order. What does our future President & King Barack Obama do for a hobby? We know so much about him and yet so little ( pardon our appearance, our main computer is sick and in hospital --- as they say up at Oxford! ).
  October 8, 2008 --- The Dipsy Doodle ( Random Thoughts ). Your chief cook and bottle washer has been having some considerable trouble lately with his XP, so much so that he is even considering a temporary resort to Windows 95. It seems that the trouble all started right after the October 2nd posting of October the First was Too Late was sent out into the wide world. Our only excuse is that employees of Hillary Clinton started the whole thing going about Obama and his bedroom tastes. Neither Truth nor Falsity is vouched, nor is it claimed on said subject in these precincts. Do not shoot the piano player --- 'twas not he who wrote the music! So Clubbers, it will take a while to scrub up the various infections on the Club's one and only XP, and so, if there is nothing new on this page for a few days running, it only means that the Computer Cleaners are hard at work. Be Patient! It takes time to thumb through the 1469 page, Microsoft Windows XP Inside & Out ( Deluxe Edition ) Manual.
  Being Away From the Computer leaves time for other things. Esquire magazine ( Nov., 2008 issue ) has dubbed Halle Berry The Sexiest Woman Alive ( Ruff! --- even though, at 40 plus she is beginning to look at little shopworn; but Carmichael, the Polar Bear, is still crazy about her and says that if she showed up at his igloo one cold night, he wouldn't kick her out of bed in the morning ).

 October 5, 2008 --- 5% Down on the Disgusto - Meter : In July Obama went to Berlin and declared himself " Citizen of the World. " In October McCain stayed in Washington and voted for a Banker's Bailout bill that gave US Treasury aid to foreign bankers, among 850 Billion other ridiculous things too pathetic to mention. It is written : no Presidential Candidate shall be immune from the consequences of self-inflicted Stupidity.

  October 2, 2008 --- Globalist Poison. ( From China with Sweeney Todd ). Chinese White Rabbit Creamy Candy products contain melamine, an indigestible plastic. Some examples of this awful substance have been discovered hidden in candy bars on Connecticut shelves. Be on guard. It will either kill you or clean out your insides quicker than a stiff dose of horse laxative.

  Oct. 2, 2008 --- October the First was Too Late. ( Hey, there's supposed to be a Campaign going on around here! ). He warned you. He said he was a complete ignoramus on economic matters ( McCain's Campaign sputters and dies ). He simply thought that the US Treasury could go on forever writing checks and that said checks would never bounce because the Chinese would always cash them for us! Barack Obama has a little bit of Bill Clinton in him. No, he isn't oversexed to the point of being accused of rape, nor has he ever been fingered for taking cash-stuffed envelopes from Arkansas drug dealers, but he is a smooth-talking con man, nonetheless. The absolute garbage he talks is quite amazing --- but those ever-loving Dems. just eat it up! And Wacky Jack's famine is Barack's feast. Now, if only McCain's handlers could revive that rumor which Hillary Clinton's Campaign started about Obama's bedroom tastes being on the " BENT " side ( the opposite of what Maurice Chevalier sang about : " Thank Heaven for little [ fill in the blank ]!!! " ). " Only then will this dreary Campaign get some much needed spice!

Detective Club
 " Thank Heaven for little ( Fill in Sexual Orientation Here )!!! "

  Oct. 1, 2008 --- Does a Varnished Eel Know that It's a Varnished Eel?  Confusion reigns! The US Senate, in defiance of Article 1, Section 7 ( paragraph one ) of the US Constitution, threatens to vote on an old revenue-rising bill before the US House of Representatives rejects a new revenue-rising bill! Nancy Pelosi swears that she will hornswoggle Republicans into voting for a do-over --- and the Democrats are all well-meaning Saints! The Zombies on trans-national TeeVee scream and point a collective finger at the public and scream again, claiming that the worldwide system of debt creation will collapse unless the US Congress gives authority to the US Secretary of the Treasury to buy old, bad debt while the US Central Bank whips up new, bad debt, claiming authority from the Gold Standard Congress of 1913! Oh, sweet Zombies. Use a napkin and a straw and suck out our brains to the last inch because our brains were not made for logical thought and our brains hurt!!!
Detective Club
  A Plan to Save the Economy ( Nancy Pelosi Approves! ) : All Girls, 17-25, Should
 Get Jobs On Wall St. & Run Errands for Stock Brokers & Bankers. The National Debt
 Would Be Retired Within Six Months!  Mothers Convince Your Daughters to be Patriotic!
 God B---s America!!! Check It ( Out ), Babies! Join the Wall St. Stable!  Eliot Spitzer, We Love You!

 Sept. 29, 2008 --- A Get-Out-of-Jail Card will Cost You 700 Billion $!!! Wonder why corporations and clearinghouses give politicians money? Simple! It's jail-prevention insurance! You can bet a worthless Federal Reserve Note to a donut ( donuts have zeros ) that those patriotic US Congressmen, voting for the big bailout, have pocketed over and under the table cash for their bailout votes. It pays to pay off!!! Remember, they're crooked because the Commies hate America's Free Enterprise System --- top of the world, ma!!! --- Too Big to Fail!!! A rancid food stamps chicken in every pot, a Subprime Mortgage on every block!!!

 September 28, 2008 --- The Mississippi Scheme ( France, 1720 ). In 1841 Charles MacKay wrote about the French Mississippi Scheme, the big subprime crisis of its day : In February [ 1720 ], it was judged advisable that the Royal Bank [ of France ] should be incorporated with the Company of the Indies. An edict to that effect was published and registered by the parliament. The state remained the guarantee for the notes of the bank, and no more were to issued without an order in council. All the profits of the bank, since the time it had been taken out of [ John ] Law's hands and made a national institution, were given over by the Regent to the Company of the Indies. The measure had the effect of raising, for a short time, the value of the Louisiana and other shares of the company, but it failed in placing public credit on any permanent basis ... it was the computed that the total amount of notes in circulation was 2,600 millions of livres, while the coin in [ France ] was not quite equal to half that amount ... on the 21st of May, an edict was accordingly issued, by which it was decreed that the shares of the Company of the Indies, and the notes of the bank, should gradually diminish in value, till at the end of the year they should only pass current for one-half of their nominal worth.

 September 27, 2008 --- Woo Hoo! No More WaMu Commercials! Does anyone remember those notorious WaMu TeeVee commercials in which a squeaky clean Black Guy would poke wicked fun at a roomful of old, pasty White Guys? Now that WaMu ( Washington Mutual Bank ) has gone belly up and its smoking embers have been claimed by JP Morgan-Chase, everyone seems to have their, own personal WuMu story. The Club has received an e-mail from one of those old, pasty White Guys : he informs us that he once went into a WaMu branch and tried to cash a $500, out-of-state check against his WaMu balance. There apparently was something about his looks that gave offense to an upstanding WaMu teller, a Black Woman. She said he looked like " Mr. Clark Kent with a stick up his ass. " But, at least, according to our correspondent, she cashed his check with WaMu money ( Federal Reserve Notes ). Will JP Morgan-Chase keep every old WaMu branch open or consolidate them into its old, nearby Chase branches? Mr. Clark Kent is still walking around with a stick up his ass and he wants to know.
Detective Club

 September 26, 2008 --- Always a Man of the Elegant Expression. Referring to the United States of America, President George W. Bush said yesterday : " If money isn't loosened up, this sucker's gonna go down! " He leaves office at the stroke of Noon on January 20, 2009. So far he has been unable to get House Republicans to agree to the set-up of a temporary sub-Treasury and to place 700 Billion in irredeemable dollars in its kitty.

 September 25, 2008 --- Fo' Reals? A heavily made-up figure showed up on TeeVee last night, reminiscent of an ex-President of the United States, somehow still in office. The wavering hologram, appeared to stand upright, an image straight out of Evelyn Waugh's The Loved One, where bodies this throughly rouged are usually arranged in a horizontally recumbent position. The blank shrimp-pink face ( Waugh's words ) was mouthing electronic pulses about setting up a new US sub-Treasury that would temporarily take the place of the collapsing US Central Bank ( Federal Reserve System ), the latter now running out of irredeemable paper currency. When President Andrew Jackson tried to set-up various sub-Treasuries in the 1830s, he promised to stock their coffers with gold and silver ( he would fail to do so ). Last night, President Shrimp-Pink Face shilled a 3-card Monte game and invited 300 Million potential Marks to step up to the barrel and throw down 700 Billion paper dollars! Meanwhile, Peter Orszag, Director of the Congressional Budget Office, said yesterday that any money wagered on President Shrimp-Pink Face's con of Follow the Lady was almost certain to disappear in a puff of green smoke! Remember Fellow Americans ( Suckers ), they hate us because they hate our freedoms!

  September 24, 2008 --- I am the Walrus ( C00 C00 Kachoo ). Capitol Hill is a staging ground of absurd images. Yesterday a frightened looking Walrus sidled up to a testimonial table in a Senate hearing room. He was wearing a bright red Derby Hat over his bald dome and his scared eyes blinked furiously while both his flippers twitched. He said, " I need some money quick. I need it to buy a lot of stinky oysters! " The Senators stared back at him and stroked their chins, exchanging serious glances among themselves. Everyone had practiced how to look so serious over a period of many years. They had no brains, because Alice had sucked all the substantial matter out of their heads on page one, simply by using a very long straw.

  Sept. 23, 2008 --- Your Typical White Devil is Just So Full of Tricks! Now that the US Economy is firmly on the path to a Soviet-style collapse, where does your average, oppressed border jumper and harassed visa-overstayer figure in all this mess? Will he and his nearest and dearest be encouraged to leave and will his dud Fannie Mae mortgage continue to be subsidized and will Racial Preferences remain in effect? Inquiring and impoverished minds, belonging to dying and looted Typical White Devils, want to know.

  September 22, 2008 --- Rescue Me or Drown Me. In July the American public were told that bailing-out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac would cost about 25 Billion. Nobody really believed this low-ball figure at the time. In September --- watch the leaves change to pretty colors --- the American public is supposed supposed to believe that a bail-out of dud mortgages and " toxic " clearing-house paper will cost about 700 Billion. Our incredibly crooked and devoid-of-the-last-shred-of-truth federal politicians all have that distressed look in the eye of kittens that have swallowed rat-poison for lunch. Realizing that Christ is not about to come down from the clouds and save our financial portfolios ( those of us what got financial portfolios, Gov! ), does that distressed look mean that the Federal Reserve System ( US Central Bank ) is about to collapse, thanks to a ball which started rolling downhill on August 15, 1971 ( Nixon gets rid of the Gold Standard --- read all about it in a dog-eared encyclopedia! )? When the Devil has you by the throat, he does not talk about pounds and shillings or dollars and cents. Nothing less than the immediate payment of your Soul is what he wants.

  September 21, 2008 --- What TeeVee Commentary is All About. This morning Monica Crowley wore a Shanghai silt-skirt on the McLaughlin Group. It was tinted pale pumpkin, according to the top shelf of the red-orange designation on the universal color-wheel. If the world comes to an end tomorrow, what will she wear?

  September 19, 2008 --- ( Green ) Blood on the Tracks. The last four trading days, to say the least, have been days of extreme confusion in Washington, DC. Our Central Bank ( known as the Federal Reserve System, in reality, a private, irredeemable money-printing cartel, chartered by Congress in 1913 ) is struggling to survive. Its calling card, the irredeemable Federal Reserve Note, also manages to survive. Yes, how long the US Central Bank and its " faith & credit " certificate will last is impossible to say, but the ultimate destruction of these two, evil twins may be drawing into view. Sudden Panic may wipe them out and give them the most indecent of Mafia-style family burials. Running out of calling cards with which to pay off its empty promises, the men and woman who manage the irredeemable currency are looking to the US Congress, in hope of shifting blame for the ultimate collapse of the hollow Dollar. In 1913 Congress made like Pilate and washed its hands of its sole Constitutional Authority to coin and print money ( until 1971, backed by gold, at $35.00 the ounce ). Since 1913 Congress has allowed a secretive group of self-enriching money-puppeteers to gorge themselves on the nation's money supply. Individual Congressmen know how to loot Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac and spit, sputter, and yell " Racist " every time the issue of an audit of the taxpayers' money comes up, and the collective of Congress goes about the nation's financial affairs in supreme ignorance. The collapsing Federal Reserve System is looking for a scapegoat. Congress had better adjourn, double-quick! Robbing & Stealing are the only forms of higher mathematics that your little, proverbial, Congressional brain is capable of!

 Sept. 16, 2008 --- The End of the American Dream of Mansion-Ownership? Barack Obama said yesterday that both the financial and the housing markets must be more strictly regulated. Does that mean that vous et moi can't call on the help of a thieving Chicago Slumlord to buy a multi-million dollar mansion? Hey, that's not fair! Hey, Barack, you got yours, why can't we get ours! Are we supposed to take that kind of change and like it! Sounds like loose change to me!

 September 16, 2008 --- Brokeback Molehill. Since the late nineteen-eighties, the American economy has been in a desperate search for gimmicks. No longer an exporting, manufacturing country, the US found itself to be in an increasingly awkward situation : home to the world's reserve currency, but bleeding manufacturing jobs to the Third World, Japan and the European Community. The magazine articles saying that Japan was about to replace America as the world's economic powerhouse appeared to be on the verge of coming true. But in 1995 Wall St. discovered a gimmick. First called computers, then dubbed the Internet, Wall St. had minted a surefire gimmick to lure the Suckers to its tables. The World had Changed! Information Technology was the new Tulip rage! It mattered little that the business model of most IT companies was supremely flawed ( selling $1.25 worth of goods for 95¢ ), so long as revenue kept increasing and share prices kept rising! This twisted gimmick could not go forever, and it didn't. When Wall St. vomited out this swindle in early 2000, it was no harm no foul --- after all what are Pigeons for? --- except to be plucked? The greedy birds followed the breadcrumbs right into the boiling pot! All in all, it was a traditional Wall Street Finagle. But by 2000, the American economy had become twisted and had developed into a permanently hunchbacked state. Another gimmick had to be found to remove skells from their wallets. The ground lay barren for two or three years until the next gimmick, and this time the trap was set with government, not private, money. The scam was as brilliant as it was audacious. Doesn't every member of every minority group deserve to live in a home? What about the Mexican border jumpers? What are you, same kind of racist? The Teaser Rates and the Upside ARMs began to flow, in furtherance of the principle of the Brotherhood of Man and the Trans-Gendered! Not only were Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac generous, but politicians in those agencies were encouraged to steal millions, all " above board " and legal! What we need now, good and quick, is a new gimmick to save Wall St.! The feces has not yet begun to hit the fan.
Detective Club
 Hungry for Power : All Star Superman, No. 5

 September 15, 2008 --- Fabrications, Part 463. Remember when, long ago, just about last week, when government officials and their mindless trans-national media shills, went on TeeVee, threw newspaper ink around, and tried to soothe the panting Zombies? They said that the Nationalization ( conservatorship, according to Orwell ) of Fannie & Freddie meant that the worst was over. As panic runs like wildfire through world financial markets, investors on Wall St. are worried about making it to today's martini lunch without the proverbial shirt being burned off their backs in a fiat money meltdown! Funny thing about lies in the fiat currency era ( DOB : August 15, 1971 ) --- they just don't seem to hold up as long as they used to!

 September 14, 2008 --- Nature Watch. In 1826 John James Audubon, ornithologist, starts selling his depiction of the American Wild Turkey, his most renowned print; it sells like hotcakes. On March 20, 2008 Barack Obama, politician, identifies the Typical White Person, who " fears Black Men. " The American Wild Turkey knows no fear and is thus an easy fowl to trap and to hunt. The Typical White Person is prone to Buyer's Remorse. Both species once flourished on the North American land mass but their visible numbers are diminishing rapidly. Nature Lovers anticipate their extinction with dread.

 September 13, 2008 --- Invasion of the Typical White Persons. This is something that Barack Obama has been warning the Galaxy about for years. Now he means to get tough and fight back ( Everytime a Typical White Person hears A Pocketful of Sunshine on the radio, he/she/it turns Zombie )!

  September 13, 2008  --- Once a Government Program, Always a Gov. Program. As big a threat as the Nationalization of Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac portends to Federal balance sheets, there is a reality far more pernicious hiding under the government bail-out --- Racial Preferences. Now that Washington is in full possession of more than 500 Billion in non-performing assets ( in plain English, mortgages in foreclosure or soon to be ), the government is reluctant to take the final step and kick people out of houses but is simply content to allow them to remain in possession of real estate as squatters, while the taxpayers foot the bill. It has been noted, here and elsewhere, that this act of dereliction of responsibility amounts to nothing more than kicking the can down the road for the next President and the next Congress to handle. Well, now the sky is cloudy with swarms of chickens coming home to roost. In 2002, President Bush gave a speech in which he downplayed the need for " minorities " to come across with a down-payment when taking out a mortgage. In so many words, he dubbed it a Racist financial practice. Now that Fannie & Freddie are Nationalized, the Treasury Dept. is leaning on the holders of dud mortgages not to foreclose. But now Washington Mutual, the nation's biggest non-commercial bank, holds billions of dollars in these dud mortgages and desperately needs new capital to keep its bad paper afloat. When Washington Mutual goes down the drain, how much will it cost? ( JP Morgan is in the wings, licking its chops, hoping to buy WaMu at a bargain price, once the fed. gov. agrees to take every, last dud mortgage off WaMu's books ) --- and will the Chinese & the Japanese continue to bail out Washington, DC after its coffers have been picked bone-dry?

  September 12, 2008 --- Her Bird-Brain Takes Flight. Sarah Palin thinks the Iraqi Government " planned and carried out " the Sept., 2001 Manhattan & DC bombings. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. She also thinks that Georgia is a member of NATO, but, truth to tell, she just seems more than a bit confused on this point of Reality ( you known REALITY, something that was forever shifting in the Bush II White House! ). In the Middle Ages some church " scientists " believed that that heart was not merely a pump but also a muscle capable of independent thought ( some even thought that the inside of the skull was a hollow crevice where spiders and cobwebs lived ). Oh, that crazy kid --- she's all heart!

  September 10, 2008 --- Getting Animalistic. At a campaign rally in Virginia, Barack Obama started running the proverbial fan and let it all fly : On Sarah Palin : You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig! On John McCain : You can wrap an old fish in a piece of newspaper called change. It's still going to stink! At this point Obama turned off the Animal Channel, so he said nothing whatsoever about the chickens coming home to roost. So far this has been an elevated campaign, fought strictly on the issues ( Issues? What Issues? We don't need no stinking Issues! ). What will happen next? Mudpies at 10 paces? Spitballs in the back of the classroom? Waterballoons tossed from the broom closet in the cafeteria?

  September 9, 2008 --- The Pitbull Uses Expensive Lipstick. When Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin visited Wall Street in October of 2007, her daughter Bristol ( the pregnant one ) tagged along. Bristol stayed in a $707.00 a-night hotel room for three nights. Isn't it just peachy when your Mom is state Queen and she has access to an expense account? Did the girls take the subway up to 81st CPW stop and visit the famous stuffed moose in the glass case at the American Museum of Natural History? Inquiring minds want to know!

  September 7, 2008 --- Caught Wearing a Dress. I used to subscribe to a weekly hobby magazine and in the pages of said magazine there was this guy from Brooklyn, see, whom I used to read avidly. Every week he had something original and engaging to say about some particular, unexplored aspect of the hobby. Well, death comes to us all ( an unoriginal observation on my part ). Of course, the weekly hobby magazine ran an obituary of its most famous scribe. He had moved to Costa Rica for health reasons. There was a picture of his tombstone with the image a chick engraved into the stone face ( it seems that the locals had given him the Spanish nickname of " Little Chicken " ). But next to the photo of the tombstone there was a picture of the ugliest 300 pound man on God's Green Earth wearing a flower-print dress, and got up in a full brunette wig, and sporting maroon eye-shadow and blood-red lipstick ( was this photo snapped at an orgiastic birthday party and was it the only one ready to hand? ). You must understand, gentle reader, that I had read this man's words for years so the shock of seeing a 300 pound " Little Chicken " in the nightmarish flesh and looking like a grossly fat whore from Buenos Aires was utterly astounding in an extremely vomitous sort of way. David Frum, after promoting Third World Immigration into United States for many years, turns up in today's edition of the New York Times Magazine ( Click Here ) and says that current levels of Immigration into the US have turned out to have been a poorly conceived idea afterall. Why does he remind me of the " Little Chicken? " Should we disband the Club if he wants to become a member? We have always actively discriminated against 300 pound men wearing blood-red lipstick in these parts.

Detective Club

  September 5, 2008 --- Overwhelmed by the Madding Crowd. A few days ago, the pavement in front of the London home of actress Julie Christie ( Academy Award for Best Actress; Darling [ 1965 ] ) was the scene of a rumble between Afro-Caribbean and Pakistani street toughs, and screwdrivers and uprooted street signs were the weapons of choice. Londoners have much to be thankful for. This latest set-to is just another perverted example of diversity, one of many ( send your cards and flowers to Tony Blair, UK Prime Minister 1997 - 2007. Under Blair, Britain suffered an explosion of Third World Immigration ). Last year Miss Christie's house was given a valuation of at least one million pounds ( two million dollars US ). Property values in London have sunk considerably since then.

 At Left, a Screwdriver is brandished. Center, a Boot is Thrown. At Right, a makeshift Club at the ready.

 September 5, 2008 --- The Police State Goes Boating. Along with the Propaganda Barrage of September 12, 2001 and beyond, came the Police State de nouveau et des etrangers. No society --- and America is certainly no exception --- can go forward with the attitude of " I'll paddle my own canoe. " Such a selfish attitude is always hijacked by burgeoning, " security-minded " governments everywhere. The rapidly expanding American Police State has grown fat off the paddle-my-own-canoe mind set. Any woodsman will tell you that animals which do not travel in a herd are the easiest to hunt, being the most frightened when chased, and the most panicky when treed --- altogether easy lunch! In a country of solitary canoers, where the lake is becoming increasingly overcrowded and overfished, where the single oarsmen speak a Babel of Languages and practice a multitude of hostile customs, full-blooded anarchy is coming to once placid waters. The game wardens just stand on shore and flash their badges and pick off their bag, one by one. Real ID, monsieur?

 September 2, 2008 --- Buyer's Remorse? In our corrupt age, when the two main political parties are practically twins, marketing is everything. The news that Sarah Palin's teenager daughter is out-of-wedlock preggers does take some of the proverbial air out of the proverbial balloon, so to speak, but not entirely. The Palin pick remains a shrewd political move. The conservative base of the Republican Party loathes John McCain, plain and simple. If he came out tomorrow screaming for closing the Borders and shouting for a Pathway to Deportation, the base of the Party would not believe a word of it. That's why the McCain Campaign fixed upon Palin. McCain is in desperate need of assistance. The hope is that Palin will boost base Turnout on Election Day ( the Obama Zombies are a lead pipe cinch to turn out in droves! ) . That's why she was chosen, not because she whips up a wicked Moose Stew. End of Story.

 Sept. 2, 2008 --- A Conspiracy View of History. Tawana Brawley once said : " Nobody minnippsmuhlates me! " --- thereby disproving her point.

Detective Club
 Blast from the Past : The Philosopher Princess, Tawana Brawley.
 ( Al Sharpton, in background, at right [ one of Her Manipulators ] ).

  September 1, 2008 --- Why Baseball & TV Don't Mix. Yesterday C. C. Sabathia of the Milwaukee Brewers pitched a one-hitter against the Pittsburgh Pirates. That one hit came in the fifth inning when a slow-roller was hit back to the mound, and Sabathia came in on the ball, and tried to pick it up with his throwing hand but dropped it. According to the official scorer, the runner had the play beat, being already two-thirds of the way down the line before Sabathia could get to the ball. Whatever the wisdom of the scorer's call was, this is yet another example of why baseball is impossible to watch on a tight, two-dimensional medium. Not only is a baseball field so vast, when action does break out the camera is usually too slow and myopic to record a sudden, violent outpouring of movement. Baseball on TV is usually just watching the pitcher and catcher share a white ball while a man on the side shakes a stick. Instant Replay is better than nothing, but that technology underlines the fact that what has happened has already happened --- it is canned corn when compared to a hot, living memory of a play in the very recent past. A good newspaper writer or an excellent radio announcer is much more adept in conveying a true sense of a large, three-dimensional game.

 August 31, 2008 --- Earth to Maureen Dowd. The reason why the 1984 choice of Geraldine Ferraro, for Dem. VP, boomeranged was not because the woman was inexperienced. The reason why the 1984 choice of Geraldine Ferraro boomeranged was because her Husband was all mobbed up and she lied through her teeth about her dead Father's undistinguished career as a lowly foot soldier in a capo regime. The comparison of Ferraro to Palin is invidious, to say the least.

  August 30, 2008 --- Some Say that Breaking Up is Hard to Do. On Thursday night a man fell asleep on the steps of St. John Baptist Church on Brooks Place in Jersey City. His ex-Girl Friend happened to pass by and saw him at repose there. She awoke him with a start when she began to choke him by the neck. The man was fully wide awake when she kicked and punched him in the face. She stopped hitting him only after she had stolen his wallet, which contained nine dollars. Before their break up, they had been a happy couple for 4 years.

 August 30, 2008 --- It's a Girl!!! --- ( Ms. Moose for Veep ). On the face of it looks like a brilliant political move : when all is said and done, Sarah Palin, the Alaskan Super Mom who likes Moose Stew, could bring to the ticket an extra two or three percent of the vote. In a close election, that would mean the difference between winning and losing. But on the other hand, Michigan might now be out of reach for McCain without Romney. But McCain hates Romney's guts with an all consuming passion ( remember how those two went at it during the primaries? ). So Sarah Palin is something of an air ball who just maybe could pay off ( Sarah is such a trustworthy name : think school Marm ). Plus, her surname is straight out of Monty Python. McCain probably thought of the Lumberjack Sketch and smiled broadly --- which brings everything back to the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!! Who said American Presidential politics is essentially a mud fight between kindergarten kids!?
 Typical Palin Voter : " She's a Lumberjack & She's OK.
 She Sleeps All Night & She Works All Day. "

  August 29, 2008 --- Occupational Hazard. There are two principal activities in early 21st Century America : watching Tee Vee, and not watching Tee Vee. While engaged in this latter activity, REALITY, with a capital R, is sometimes known to brake out, but the lingering hazard of watching too much Tee Vee is that Tee Vee watchers, who must sometimes walk into the world of REALITY, continue to behave as if they were in an unceasing, Zombified state of mind. It has been often said that Tee Vee rots the brain, planting perverse and dangerous thoughts were once wholesome thoughts reigned, but I am of the opinion that Tee Vee works much like a vigorous cleanser or a high-powered suction device that wipes clean all individual characteristics and personal topography. This appalling situation was seen first in America and thereafter spread to the rest of the Western World, as sure and as quick as the bubonic plague did over the whole of 14th Century Europe. And so it is with the Immigration " story. " The trans-national Press dictates that practically all stories involving Third World Immigration be pitched with a positive bent, so much so that Tee Vee watchers have come to think that all Third World Immigrants are as sweet as molasses. But remember, Clubbers, REALITY and Her capital R will not be denied! A Canadian woman found out all about REALITY the other day in Calais, France. Variously described as a student-journalist or just plain journalist, she went into the woods of that city, armed with only an mp3 recorder and her good intentions to meet some poor, unfortunate Third Worlders. Raped and left for dead, she was found by police later that same evening. The local riot squad promptly rounded up between 150 & 200 foreigners for DNA testing. The hope is a match can be made with the evidential rape-kit drawn from the brutalized victim. As horrible as the treatment of the reporter was, she was more fortunate than another woman in Northern France who was found at about the same time. In Picardy, on the road to Soissons, the body of an Asian female, in an advanced state of decomposition, was discovered concealed in a trash bag at the bottom of a ditch, alongside the main road leading to the city. Police Forensic experts guess that she had been strangled and dumped there during the month previous. To paraphrase Henry James : REALITY, the BITCH GODDESS!

  August 27, 2008 --- Quick, Cyril, Get the Butterfly Net! There are rumors that Barack Obama intends to deliver his Acceptance Speech, on Thursday night, from the inside of a fake Greek Temple, painted white and made of plywood. This is either a malicious joke, started by the McCain campaign, or proof-positive that the United States has become an Open Air Lunatic Asylum.

  August 27, 2008 --- Mushroom Food. The Chosen One is melting before our very eyes. Yes, he did go to Berlin and read from a teleprompter and send into the polluted political atmosphere that indelible phrase : " Citizen of the World. " Yes, he kept talking about how not voting for him would be proof of vile Racism ( this unceasing stream of whining coming from a half-White guy who has both benefited from and never stopped promoting Racial Preferences for Blacks in hiring and politics ). But he is still in free-fall, and it is now a constant journey on the downward slope for Barack Obama, America's new three dollar bill. It would appear that Webster's has rushed into print a new dictionary and put The Chosen One's photograph next to the word Phony, to serve as a pictorial representation of the word! Won't McCain tap your phone, start new wars, and let in 3 million foreigners before Christmas? After the Berlin Speech, it dawned on Mr. & Mrs. Undecided Voter that Barry Sunshine ( AKA Narcissus in a three-piece suit ) would do the same for money ( tapped phones = campaign contributions from AT&T ), for the UN ( keep those blue peace-keepers busy! ), and to mightily work his hindquarters off to terminate Racism ( anybody who talks about US Borders is really a closet Racist, and, after all, is not every man on planet earth my Brother except my half-brother, who lives in a shack in Kenya ). Obama is still smiling for the cameras, but the moisture that you see on his forehead is just what it appears to be --- FLOP SWEAT! Mr. & Mrs. Undecided Voter have began to suspect that Bountiful Barry is just like any run-of-the-mill, hack, Democrat politician out of the past, who enjoys farming mushrooms --- all that's different is the changed packaging. Like the old boss, the new boss means to do the same : keep you in the dark and feed you a steady diet of cow manure.

 August 23, 2008 --- Hey, You! Stay Awake. At today's rally for Joe Biden, all campaign workers will be put to work. They'll be handing out free packages of No-Doz.

  August 23, 2008 --- Pooder for Veep. He's older, he's whiter, he's balder, but he's not wiser, and he has been in the US Senate for more than thirty-five years, he is Joe Biden, the new Dem. candidate for the bottom of the ticket. It is as if the old, mangy cat in the corner had been drafted into political service. Under the circumstances, Biden is the natural choice, because at this particular moment in the campaign, he is the safest choice. It seems like an eternity ago, before THE ONE fixed his eyes on the teleprompter in Berlin on July 24, 2008 --- it's been only thirty days! --- and declared himself " Citizen of the World, " that the campaign of the Barack Obama went into vertiginous free fall. The Berlin " Citizen of the World " speech, at the Goldelse ( " Golden Lizzy " ), is now widely mocked, but it contained at least one memorable line : With an eye toward the future, with resolve in our hearts, let us remember this history, and answer our destiny, and remake the world once again! The Berlin speech, however, was cursed by miserable timing, and timing is just as important in politics, as in life, if not more so. The time was once ripe, the time was once right, for a challenger to Hillary Clinton. At the beginning of 2008 there was a universal desire to see the defeat of Hillary Clinton. The very thought of Bush ( 1988 ), Clinton ( 1992 ), Clinton ( 1996 ), Bush ( 2000 ), Bush ( 2004 ), and the Hillda Beast ( 2008 and beyond ) was like a depressive, comprehensive, fog upon the land. Oh, where was our knight to slay this hideous monster? With superb timing, Barack Obama stepped into the role and it was sheer heaven to watch him skewer the filthy dragon upon the tip of his avenging lance. That Job done, Obama has yet to close the deal for Roi du Pays. His timing has been most decidedly off; he is running for President of the United States, not Citizen of the World! The voters want to be romanced. They do not want to be told they that are a mob of scurvy Racists, who must keep the borders open and accommodate the Third World in order to atone for their darkest sins. There is still time left on the running clock, but is our once shining, now bedraggled, knight up to the task?

Detective Club
 The " Goldelse " in Berlin : The Obama Angle.

  August 22, 2008  --- Paradise in the Gutter ( The Race So Far ). We already knew that John McCain dumped his first wife to marry Ms. Money Bags. We already knew that Barack Obama took cash from a Chicago Slum Lord. For those of you who did not, Congratulations!!! Watching American Idol on a loop has rotted out your brain and destroyed the nation. Thanks!

  August 22, 2008 --- The Bleeding Obvious, Part 463. One would think, at this very late date, that one's government would not be so cavalier about wasting one's money. Well, your thinking would be all wrong, not say in the furtherance of madness, seriously screwed, blued, and tattooed. The US State Dept. released a tear sheet a few days ago, saying that it is suspending its Priority Three ( P3 ) program of testing African " refugees, " who seek admittance into the United States. P3 is a costly DNA testing program that whipsaws the American taxpayer thousands of dollars, at each go, for the administration of a DNA assay. The object of a P3 test is to match the DNA of an African " refugee, " already resident in the United States, with a family member stuck in Africa, patiently waiting for admission into the US. Here's where the US taxpayer gets screwed, blued, and tattooed. Thinking that your average, present day, potential, African immigrant would be as honest as, say, your average Norwegian immigrant, circa  1900, the State Dept. geniuses spent thousands, at a pop, to run the P3 DNA test. No surprises! According to the State Dept. about 80% of the Africans who took the P3 DNA test turned out to be the most dreadful liars, these future George Washingtons possessing no DNA or blood-tie whatsoever to the " refugees " already resident in the US. Congress has allotted 16,000 slots for " refugee " immigrants from Africa for this fiscal year, but, because of the costly collapse of the P3 program, only 7,000 of these places have been filled so far. The fiscal year ends on September 30th, and, of course, these slots will be filled --- even if it takes Mr. Hook & Mr. Crook to do it!

  August 21, 2008 --- Maintaining His Pay Grade. Overheard by the water cooler, sometime in the late Winter of 1985 : " You know that Colored Guy, Barry. ( Yeah ). He has great personal and inter-personal skills. He told me that the White Girls in Bananarama are just pale imitations of Black Girls, using pretentious musical arrangements and teased hair as psychological shields. " Back then, it was strictly a joke. What must they be saying by the selfsame water cooler, concerning St. O, right about now?

  August 20, 2008 --- Say It Loud. He's Open Borders & He's Proud! Say what you will, the cack-handed ability of Barack Obama to piss away a sure thing is truly astonishing. According to the Reuters/Zogby poll, Obama has lost 12 points in the last 30 days, giving John McCain a temporary 5 point lead among Likely Voters! Since Narcissus in a three-piece suit went to Berlin and declared himself " Citizen of the World, " his campaign appears to have entered into a permanent Death Spiral. On Sunday, Obama was in San Francisco where he raked in 7.2 million dollars from a group consisting of mostly Indian immigrants. The excitement of all that cash was overpowering; it started Barry to a-blabbing in the most psychopathic way imaginable. " I'm a Desi --- I'm a Homeboy!, " Barry shouted in orgiastic delight ( a Desi is a slang word for an immigrant from the Indian Subcontinent ). Barry also went on to extol, in his customary manner of platitudes and shop-worn nostrums, the virtues of increasing rates of immigration and throwing open the borders of the US to other World Citizens like Himself ( just think of all that beaucoup, cool campaign money! ). Citizens of the United States, born before the Immigration Act of 1965, are pardoned for thinking that they have wandered into an Open-Air Lunatic Asylum! But McCain's 5 point lead can't last. He'll just get jealous. The McCain plan for a teeming Calcutta or two in every one of the 57 states --- by Barry's Count --- is sure to emerge in very short order!

  August 20, 2008 --- Oh, Those Naughty Speculators! Positions in Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac continue to unwind. Yesterday the common shares of Fannie closed at $6.01 and Freddie at $4.17. Both mortgage giants have lost approximately 85% of the valuation of their unretired common since December. Last month, the drab prostitutes at the US Treasury Dept. proclaimed that, at most, only 25 Billion or so in Taxpayer Cheese would be needed in any Fannie or Freddie bailout. Now the talk from the same whores goes that they were misunderstood! They meant 25 Billion smackeroos each!!! Whatever the true amount of the final Fannie & Freddie Butcher's Bill turns out to be, all but the mentally-challenged certainly have realized by now is that Treasury is waiting for Fannie & Freddie common to go down to practically nothing before US Taxpayer money can be used to prop up Fannie & Freddie bonds, which are, in large measure, held by foreign investors. These foreign investors, being foreign, never fully appreciated what an Affirmative Action, Dog's Breakfast, the American Mortgage Market had become. Both the Clinton & Bush, Jr. regimes deployed Fannie and Freddie as a means by which to get NAMs into real estate. The no-money-down, Teaser Rate ( and in some cases : cold, hard, cash was doled out as " bridge money " )  mortgage simply became an extension of Great Society largess that would have done LBJ proud. Does anybody seriously expect Washington to supervise the dispossession of millions of NAMs from properties which they now occupy as your standard, garden-variety, non-paying squatter??? The six-bedroom house is just the latest example of a federal welfare program that will be a poison pill on the Market for many years to come.

 August 18, 2008 --- Just Like Tony Soprano Would Have Done. Two Undertakers were arrested for Murder last week in Erlangen, Germany. The events that led up to the killing are plain enough. After the sale of his Funeral Home in 2005, the seller agreed to wait until after the buyer took full possession of the establishment to receive a final payment. But that last payment never seemed to be forthcoming. Only then did the anxious, selling Undertaker call upon the services of a friend, in the Spring of 2007, who turned out to be another Undertaker. Both went to visit the Funeral Home in question to renegotiate terms of final payment. After these discussions fell through, the indebted Undertaker disappeared from view. Erlangen Police now state they believe that the body of the non-paying Undertaker was placed in a coffin which was already occupied. The culprits proceeded to place the over-loaded coffin in a hearse, which they drove to a private crematorium where they presented a Death Certificate for only one set of worldly remains. The Erlangen Police are, at present, diligently combing the records of said crematorium in hopes of fixing the precise date on which two bodies were nefariously burned together.

 August 17, 2008 --- The Surge Goes In One Ear & Out the Other. The claim, by the US Secretary of State, that the World has left August, 1968, behind --- namely that the Russians can no longer invade a sovereign state ( Czechoslovakia ) and get away with it completely unscathed --- was easily the most fatheaded Bush Administration statement of the Week, the Bush Administration being the most fatheaded contraption in existence. Once again, the Bushies seem to possess a limitless talent for rubbing their own noses in it; the crystal moment being the September 11th Bombings in DC & Manhattan. A group of foreign nationals, most of them visa overstayers, hijack planes and fly them into buildings ( WTC Building No. 7 collapses on its own accord, no explanation given ). For the next eighteen months the Bush Administration thumps the tub for war with Iraq with the powerful and essential aid of the Corporate Media. Without the Corporate Media, the thin tissue of everlasting lies would have been hooted off the stage. After the US Invasion of Iraq, the lies just go on : " Turning the corner, " " Final throes, " etc. And in 2007, Bush springs THE SURGE upon us all, as if one, last desperate attempt to save face were a tactical Master Stroke. With brains so addled from living in a world of inverted fantasy, up is down and black is white, Condi Rice casts her muddled mind back 40 years and recalls Soviet depredations. No wonder the Russians are now taking their own sweet time in Georgia. Bush couldn't lead a parade of 8 yr. olds to an Ice Cream Truck without being accused of attempted poisoning.

 August 15, 2008  --- Euro Jitters. Since August 15, 1971, when President Richard Nixon cut the last links of the US Dollar to Gold ( Happy Birthday, Worthless Piece of Paper! ), economic weather can sure be changeable. Wasn't it just yesterday that Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac were Nationalized by the Fed because mortgages granted to NAMs and Illegal Aliens were flopping around like gasping mackerels in a leaky rubber dinghy? Wasn't Gold headed to $1,ooo a few weeks ago? Wasn't Silver about to crest $20.00 during a makeshift performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream in a Brooklyn schoolyard? This morning the Pound sank to $1.86 after resting comfortably at $2.00, just 30 days ago, and the Euro has sunk suddenly to $1.47 quicker than a heavy cruiser coming into radius-contact with an electro-magnetically triggered harbor mine after riding at a steady level of $1.60 for months. What gives? It's Russia, that's what! Last week Georgia decided to flush out some annoying Russian passport holders, with guns and bad attitudes, in the small enclave of South Ossetia. The Bear came back in the true comic book fashion of Sgt. Rock, smoking a cigar and chugging an AK-47, while jumping up and down on the turret of a tank, completely wiping out the fleeing enemy army by the turn of page 8. It's just like the old days that now only the janitor of the DC Headquarters of the Fed remembers. The Politburo orders an invasion of Afghanistan, the West German Mark drops against the rising Bulgarian Shish-Kabob and the Pound is suddenly shaved by a Groat in its relationship to the US Greenback. Imagine what would happen if America pulled out of Afghanistan??? Strong Dollar Policy Here We Come!!!

 August 14, 2008 --- The Latest, Hot, Internet Rumor. During the last, few days a mischievous rumor has gained currency on the Internet --- namely, that the US Birth Certificate of Barack Obama cannot be found ( see what happens when you go to a foreign country and announce that you are a " Citizen of the World " )! By all accounts Barack Obama, the son of Barack Obama, Sr., a Bigamist & Kenyan National and Ann Dunham, a US National ( as well as a US American, according to Miss Doe Doe Bird of 2007 ) was born within the precincts of Kapiolani Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4, 1961. The Obama Campaign must have a copy of Barry's Birth Certificate, but they dare not release it now because at least 30% of the country will go out & tell their friends that it is a laughable forgery, so distrusted is the Chosen One by certain segments of the population. Remember a few years back, when a Birth Certificate of Beyonce's showed up on the Internet stating that she really was 36 years old and not 25, as she was truly, at time? Some people have never heard of PhotoShop®, that's all. No Barry is not some deep, secret agent of an African country who wishes to do the US harm. No African country is capable of such farseeing organization.
 Detective Club
 DESTINY'S CHILD : Decrepit Night Nurses, Working for the VA, Who Sort of Branched Out in Order to Rule the World?

 August 14, 2008 --- ATTENTION : KEEP HANDS AWAY FROM CAGE !!! Winston Churchill : I cannot forecast to you the actions of the Russian Bear. He is a Riddle, wrapped in a Mystery, inside an Enigma.
Detective Club

  August 12, 2008 --- NATO Takes One to the Balls. In June of 1948 the Red Army blocked Berlin's main road, which ran through their sector, effectively choking land access to the US, UK, & French sectors in the city. No only was this a blatantly hostile act, that if let pass would force the residents of West Berlin to seek coal and food from the surrounding Soviet-controlled territory of East Germany, it proved to be a colossal ideological blunder that turned out to be the one single act which midwifed NATO in 1949. Supplied by mostly huge American cargo planes and light English props ( France could spare little in the way of aircraft, being in the midst of a post-war economic depression ), the Allied sector of Berlin was finally freed from the Blockade, in May of 1949, after the Soviets realized that they had handed the West an immense political gift. The Blockade had been proof of Soviet hostility but was also the principal means by which the Allies had learned to work together against Soviet treachery. When the Berlin Wall fell in November of 1989, the raison d'etre for NATO fell too, but bureaucrats can't conceive of looking for new jobs or cashing in their pensions. NATO was used as the framework to bomb Serbia in 1999 and is being used nowadays as the framework to occupy Afghanistan. What would have happened if a nuclear-armed Russia had kicked Georgia in the pants after that snotty runt of an insignificant little country had been made a full-fledged member of NATO? Hydrogen Bombs over South Ossetia? George W. Bush is a Titanic embarrassment to duped front men and old graduates of Yale University everywhere. Rumors that one of our two major parties may nominate a Tailor's Dummy for President in 2012 may not be exaggerations. The 2008 crop, that is to say : two morons in search of a brain --- can surely do better than Bush has done. Right???

 August 11, 2008 --- The Surge Wasn't Designed to Work. If a nation takes on the responsibilities of empire, it is supreme policy to avoid having madmen and juveniles in charge of its management. It was said of Benjamin Disraeli that if he read of news of a typhoon going up the Kowloon Peninsula ( Hong Kong ), he would immediately send a runner over to the Colonial Office with a note inquiring into the health of the cane crop in Trinidad. The best thing to do, you see, if you are serious, about this empire business, is to think both locally and globally at the same time. There is at present no Disraeli running the American Empire, just mischievous brats and raving lunatics. In 2006, the Democrats were the Party of the Pull-Out. They promised, in two years, to entirely withdraw American forces from Iraq if the voters gave them control of Congress, which, one should remember, the voters duly did. George W. Bush knew better. The last time Congress showed any evidence of a spine was during the Hoover Administration ( Congress roused itself for a brief period called " Watergate " and promptly went back to sleep ). Last year and this, the Dem. Congress has handed Bush blank check after blank check to fund the debacle in Iraq. The Surge??? --- Don't make me laugh! The making of Baghdad into an exclusively Shi'ia city and the sending of bucketful upon bucketful of bribery to the outlying Sunni provinces bespeaks failure. It is simply a means to kick the can down the road to 2009 and the next administration. But, oh, those global consequences! Last week Georgia, an America client state, decided to put a stick in the eye of the caged Bear living in South Ossetia, and the Bear came roaring back, all teeth and claws. GW had to be content to slap the back of a bikini-clad Volleyball player and sit on his geo-political hands, his dreams of NATO membership for Georgia up in smoke and right up the chimney! Disraeli would have been appalled.

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